Singles: Love Well!

Singles: Love Well!

“I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention…I'm trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder.”

1 Corinthians 7:32-35 (The Message)

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”

Jeremiah 17:9

As we near Valentine’s Day, God led me to encourage those of us who are single. Singles just have a special place in my heart. I realize this time of year can be so hard on singles. The sun doesn’t shine as much, the weather makes it hard to get out, and those perky married people are smiling about the roses that their husbands sent them. So whether you are divorced, widowed, or have never been married, let me encourage you today by talking to you. If you are married – perky or not, then I pray this will still speak to you, too.

One of my most precious friends asked me the other day some questions about what it was like when I was dating my husband Doug. She is on the dating scene and is working through some troubles in a relationship. I told her honestly that I was not the person to talk to about how to date correctly. In fact, if I ever write a book on dating, courting, and the single life, it would cover the list of what not to do. Experience has taught me every single “no-no.” I made one mistake after another until God must have said, “You failed, child. I must remove you from the single life before it gets any worse.” You know I’m just teasing with you.

If I were single all over again – which trust me, if Doug went on to heaven now, I would have to completely lose my mind to marry again – but if God opened a door (because He would have to do it since I would treat it like the door that is on burning fire), I would be a completely different person. My mind is right with God now and no longer a mess! When we were young and dating, my sister and I talked about how “unstable” our minds were. We knew we were nuts! Additionally, I don’t seek in my marriage, and I hope that I would remain strong in the Lord in my singleness, what only God can give me. Gone are the days when I wrestled with being enough – smart enough, thin enough, tough enough, athletic enough, pretty enough, and rich enough. These things are shallow and temporal. I am so much more secure in my identity in Christ. Sometimes, I forget that the world doesn’t see me as the radiant daughter of the Most High King and the crown of creation. Just because the world can’t see my true identity like the spiritual realm can doesn’t mean I dress how they see me. I don’t wear their opinion of me as a cloak that covers my spiritual beauty and identity. It means that I have to know who I am and be willing to radiate through the world’s veils. God changed me by teaching me to invest in eternal things and ministering to my wounded heart and “unstable” mind. I no longer am a basket case! In fact, many people think I am wise – now if that isn’t a hoot because only God could do that. Only God could give wisdom to a former fool. Praise Him!

God also taught me to not glorify human love anymore. It is no longer an idol to me. I am no longer desperate for someone to love me. It is not because I have Doug who meets my human needs, but it is because I have God who meets the deepest needs of my heart. My husband teases his friends, “My wife spends an hour every morning with another man, and I don’t mind it.” He could be very jealous of the time that I give to my first love, but he isn’t. He knows that I wouldn’t be the same woman whom he loves without the time spent on my most important relationship. He is also plenty afraid of living with the version of me who takes one step away from God! I’m sure he has had glimpses of her and doesn’t want that girl coming back from the dead!

My first encouragement to singles is this: know Jeremiah 17:9. A heart not under the control of God will deceive us and lead us where we never wanted to go. You must choose to lead your heart instead of letting your heart lead you. Emotions confuse us. God wired us so that we need companionship. Desperation and loneliness can control our hearts and lead us to make the wrong decisions in relationships. Pursuing the wrong man will always lead to more misery than we ever wanted. Additionally, they can sucker shoot our time from the works that God has planned for us during our single years (whether it is just a while longer or the rest of our lives).

My second encouragement is this: make your mind a garden of truth. The mind is the battlefield. Our enemy has bombarded us with his twists of truth. You and I both have some twisted truths planted in our minds. We must take charge of our thought life and compare our thoughts to God’s thoughts (His Word). We must examine every belief and hold it against God’s beliefs – the ultimate truth. Let’s get our identity straight. Let’s be tenacious about fulfilling our purposes. When we find something that is a twisted truth, it is time to shovel it out of our minds!

Let’s not be foolish women, but let’s live by these two principles of life for the rest of our days whether single, married, or single again. Let’s understand our feelings, let God show us how to sort our desires, and protect ourselves from deception of the heart. Let’s stand on the battlefield of our minds and not give the enemy any territory to take us down. Let’s know the truth of God’s Word and be mighty to not accept any lie that seeks to defeat us, tempt us, or destroy us. I’m recharged and ready to live the life where I love well. Are you, beloved?

Pray with me: Almighty God, You know that it is hard for us to be alone. You created us with the need for human companionship so our feelings to desire companionship are not wrong. However, we cannot let our feelings turn dark and captivate us. We cannot give our minds to dwelling on empty spaces in lives. We must lead our desires and not be deceived by them. Teach us truth. Give us a strong mind. We don’t want to be wackos. May we safeguard our daily time with You where we let You pour into us Your feelings toward us and Your thoughts about us.

For our single sister, may she let You be her Husband. Don’t let any sister be lonely, depressed, or feel unloved or unwanted during this time. Pour Yourself on her. Give her true friends who fill her with joy. Give her spiritual children. Teach her to be patient during the years that she has You alone for a husband until the time that You bring her the one whom You have chosen. Prepare her husband to be the godly man whom she needs. If marriage is not in my sister’s future, then replace her desire for marriage with other blessings from Your hand. Do not let her settle for an unhappy, ungodly marriage. Above all, we pray that You raise up a generation of strong Christian women who live the single life that glorifies Your Name and shows the world how fulfilling a life built with You can be! It is in Name above all names, Jesus’ Name, Yeshua’s Name, that we pray, Amen.

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