Marriage, Romance, and Intimacy

Marriage, Romance, and Intimacy

“The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’ "
Genesis 2:18

“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Ephesians 5:33

When God created Adam, He knew that it was not good for man to be alone so He made a helper for him (Genesis 2:18). Eve was created to remove Adam’s loneliness and provide companionship, even though Adam did not know he needed her. Although Eve was made from Adam and for Adam, God wired us completely differently. Men and women are a mystery to each other. Let’s face it. We baffle each other! Most men are problem solvers. Most women don’t want their problems solved but just want someone to listen to them. God wired men to desire sex while most women want relationship before sex can be enjoyed. Thus, the conflict begins. Yet, because we humans like a challenge, the romance begins, too.

The male/female romance is in the image of God. It is just a mere shadow of how God, the God who sits on His throne where lightning flashes and angels say “Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty,” longs for us. He loved us before time began. He has given us life, creation, and His beloved only Son. God pursues us to the depths of despair, to heights of affluence, and to the highway of our choice. When we start to consider that human romance is just a mere shadow, or just a dark image, of God’s romance with us, we understand why we long for romance.

Marriage fulfills our desire for intimacy. We desire for someone to truly know us and still like us! While at the same time, they are willing to let us know them. Such intimacy requires vulnerability and the risk of rejection.

The high calling of the husband is to love his wife unconditionally. Even more frightening, he is to love his wife just as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). Men were commanded to do it because God knew it would not come easy for them. My sister whispered in my ear at one wedding where we were both bridesmaids, “Do you know why men are so nervous on their wedding day? They know the pressure of trying to live up to loving her like Christ.” To which I replied, “No wonder many men don’t want to make the commitment of marriage!” Whether the man knows this command or not, somewhere deep inside they know this is a stretch of calling for them. For a man to consistently love his wife through every moment, every hormone, every physical ailment, any mental health issue, and every season of life, it takes God. He has to submit himself to God. This takes laying aside his pride and listening to God through His Word and His voice.

The high calling of the wife is to respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33 tells wives to respect their husbands. Respect is a man’s deepest need, not love. God knew this in how He wired our men, and that is why we women are commanded to respect them. Most men desire to lead. We women fear being trampled on and emasculate many of our men. Although I am a petite woman, I am a strong woman. I have overcome many obstacles and climbed high in a man’s world. Therefore, I must constantly be reminded that my husband needs respect from me. I am not becoming a doormat when I lift him up. I am not relinquishing my dignity by elevating him. When I act on this knowledge, I find the love and romance that I need.

As we head into valentine’s weekend, if we are married, then let’s celebrate what God has given to us. Let’s spend some time in prayer for this God-given institution.

Pray with me: Almighty God, we lift up to You today marriages – whether we are married or not. We ask that Your people have marriages than can be distinguished from the rest of the world.

Whether we are married or single, may we KNOW the greatest Romancer of all – You. May we let You display Your love for us. May You be our valentine. Your gifts are better than anything man can give. Sweep us off our feet, and take our breath away.

For those of us who are married, we don’t want mediocre marriages but sizzling marriages with a passion that is ordained by You. May they be vibrant. Instead of the sparks of conflict flying, may they be sparks of desire and love. Teach us to make our husbands feel like Prince Charming. May we respect them in all they do for our families, for their achievements, for their service, or for whatever they strive to do or be. It is in Name above all names, Jesus’ Name, Yeshua’s Name, that we pray, Amen.

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